But in my nightly perusing of blogs, I stumbled upon Meagan's entry concerning Hero Holiday. It brought me back to what I wrote down today and I guess everything happens for a reason.
So I'm going to put on my blog what I wrote down this afternoon. It is not in response to what Meagan wrote in any way, since I wrote my piece before her. It's not picking on anyone except myself and possibly the society we live in. You might think it's a bunch of bull shit, but I don't really care.
Today I left my toasty home and pulled out of my freshly shoveled driveway, in my car with a half-tank of gas, pulling on my two pairs of mittens as I went.
I drove until I got to the big intersection where I was forced to stop with the rest of the people who were trying to turn left. There at the longest light in St. John's I saw a man sitting on a snow bank on the median.
His head was bowed to shield his face from the snow and he was holding a sign: "Hungry and broke, need work."
What did I do? Ms. I'm-going-to-save-the-world-one-humanitarian-trip-at-a-time? I frigging sat there and stared at him like the rest of the assholes in their toasty cars.
I watched a girl who looked to be about my age sound her horn. He got up and walked right in front of my car, graciously accepting the toonie she offered him. Smiling like it wasn't -10C out.
I watched him walk down the rest of the median in hopes someone else would offer him change. All the while I sat there thinking "I don't have any cash except my parking change."
I watched myself drive away, detaching myself from reality once again thinking "I wish I had some food or something to give him." Like a fruit cup or a granola bar would make any sort of difference.
I thought about the giant storm we had last night and wondered where the hell he slept.
I thought about how I've actually seen him before on the bus and I didn't do anything then either, even though it was obvious he was homeless and I was just one seat away from him.
I drove away thinking. Not doing.
I used to think it was a great idea, to run away to another country and "save the world". I see it now as a great photo-op.
I'm one of those hypocritical assholes who think a quarter in an empty coffee cup is going to make a difference.
I'm one of those assholes who think it's "super" when people do food or clothing drives. I sit there thinking I'm changing the world by donating my box of stuffing and two dollar Wal-Mart mittens.
I'm one of the assholes who drive away.
ap·a·thy (ăp'ə-thē)
n.
- Lack of interest or concern, especially regarding matters of general importance or appeal; indifference.
- Lack of emotion or feeling; impassiveness.
2 comments:
I dunno. In theory, none of us have a problem with giving a homeless person change. The ideeeea of giving a homeless person change is glorious. But when push coves to shove, we pile our riches under our fat butts. Giving a toonie to a person we pass on the way to school every few months isn't solving anything. The problem is a way of life, an attitude, an entire society.
The fact that I throw away money on movies, ipods, multiple cameras, and scarves and mittens to match my every coat is the problem. I was not blessed to be born in one of the richest countries in the world so I can buy useless crap I don't need. Think of it this way: because I was too cheap to put my twenty dollar bill in the collection plate this weekend, I told some child in India that the book I buy or the movie I go to next week is more important than him.
I know this, but, when the scholarships and pay cheques and Christmas wish lists come in, I do nothing.
Apathy is our disease.
Heyyyyyyy. I was sitting at my computer yesterday and I realized that my desktop background is (in my opinion) extreeeemely applicable here.
"I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good thing, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to a fellow human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."
- Stephen Grellet
Post a Comment