I am not my own, for I have been made new.

I remember Meagan and I used to joke that our lives would probably end when we turned twenty or so because we couldn't imagine them after that point. We had no idea what we'd be doing - what we'd even want to be doing. In our youth there is very little room to wiggle off the path that our parents or society tell us to follow.

But somewhere between high school graduation and our early twenties we are expected to forge a place in this world for ourselves. We're given no tools, little guidance, and lots of opportunities to fail.

Up until 2009 nothing exceptionally bad had ever happened to me. Nothing exceptionally great either. Basically, nothing exceptional. There were very few, if any, life changing moments.

2009 chewed me up and spat me out. It gave me feelings I can tell you right now that I have never felt before. How do you go two decades without experiencing every feeling there is to feel? I don't know. I wouldn't have believed it a year ago.

Never have I shed more tears. Never before have I experienced more moments of disbelief, anguish, mourning, love, humbleness, forgetfulness, gratefulness - every emotion ever times a thousand.

At the end of '08 I moved out of my parent's house and into THE MOST EXCEPTIONAL PLACE ON EARTH. Fuck Disney World, because Merrymeeting was WHERE IT WAS AT. I lived with two of the most strong and amazing women I have ever met (as well as a kindhearted sailor and a lovely Frenchman) and without them I would have crashed and burned during the very first month.

There I found the first boy I have ever said "I love you" to. In February he made me a mixed tape (literally), slipped love notes under my bedroom door and has loved me unconditionally ever since. Sometimes I wonder if all the strife and grief I've gone through this year is the karmic justice I pay for getting to have someone so wonderful in my life. Then I wonder if the depths of my emotions have just stretched. I guess I'll never know. But I wouldn't trade him for anything - not even a pony.

I responded to an ad on the job bank in January so I could pay my rent. As a result I spent the year helping raise three of the most ridiculous and hilariously amazing kids I've ever met. That family kept me afloat. They gave me a reason to drag myself out of bed after tragedy struck me again and again. Every time I was angry with God, with the world, it just took an afternoon of shooting aliens in the park to make me realize that everything is always moving. Time is always ticking. Why waste it being angry when I could be having fun?

I lost both of my maternal grandparents within the span of one month this summer. And to be honest, I haven't been the same since. My grandmother's death... I still can't talk about it. I still can't think about it without crying. I loved, I LOVE, her so fiercely. Always have and always will. I think I might have to leave it at that.

At the end of September I moved in with my boyfriend. It was a decision I don't regret, though I would have to say if I had my time back I'd want some more roomies. It gets super lonely/easy to be reclusive. This is a chapter of my life that I'm still writing so we'll have to come back to this one at the end of 2010.

The end of 2009 kicked my ass. A lot of stuff built up and up and up until OH MY GOODNESS WHAT A SURPRISE SARAH'S BODY AND MIND CAN'T HANDLE IT ANYMORE. And splat, the two collapsed and failed. I have been to the doctor about a dozen times in the past couple months. I have received no answers and my questions keep building. My last doctor's visit ended with my mom screaming at my doctor and me searching for a new one. For the first time in my university career I actually had to have some of my exams deferred.

But thanks to thousands of years of Chinese medicine, I've gained solace in acupuncture (that stuff REALLY works!). I also have an appointment with a specialist in two weeks. Answers will be gained! And my fear of having fear (or my anxiety about having anxiety) can be overcome. I will not let the wrongs and insecurities of 2009 leak into my shiny new 2010.

So that was my year. Sure there was other stuff, but these are the memories that stick out. This is the stuff that has shaped me into the Sarah of 2010. May the Sarah of 2011 be so lucky.

And these wars; they can never be won.

Alex and I went to the mall immediately after he got off work yesterday. Why do you ask? The latest Muse album, The Resistance, dropped yesterday. We had a listening party planned (with Mr. Jones included of course, him being my fellow Muse lover for the past half decade). Needless to say, we had high hopes.

Muse has been my most favourite band for a long time, a really really long time. Their last album, Black Holes and Revelations, really did it for a lot of people. They generated this whole new fan base with their overproduced catchy tunes. Some nice stuff to play on Guitar Hero, I'm sure.

Now don't get me wrong, I enjoyed their last album. It wasn't the Muse I remembered, but bands always change with the times. It was a new Muse, but one I was open to, one I purchased and listened to with love in my heart.

Muse has kind of taken a back seat since 2006 for me. Amazing albums have come out since then and I have been focusing my attention on them. But I waited for this new album. I waited and I prayed real hard, give me something that will blow my mind!

It blew my mind the wrong way.

Gone were the bass beats that had me pounding my hands on the steering wheel. No longer was Matt Bellamy singing his falsetto out loud and proud, instead he kept a tight grasp on it, I kept on waiting for something more... edgy. Most songs were an obscure power ballad, as if Timbaland had mixed a Queen song. I was, and am, very disappointed.

There are a couple good songs. As we listened through them we kept hoping that the three part symphony at the end would somehow make up for it, that the band had invested in these three songs the most. Unfortunately they were no different from the rest of the album.

I'm not saying don't listen to it, it might be your taste! I'm just really surprised to find that this is Muse's taste now. I'll probably keep listening and maybe it will grow on me. A brief perusing about the internets this morning displayed rave reviews all around. Shows how much I know.

Muse has definitely evolved, they're entering the spacey electronic future at full force. Unfortunately for me, as previously stated, I'm just not big on change.


Edit: this review dude must read my blog, apparently I'm not alone in my opinion.

Obligatory review.

Twilight has been mine for a long time. I spent quite a long time defending myself over this book.

"Hey Sarah, what are you reading now?"

"Twilight!"

"Oh yeah? Never heard of it. What's it about?"

"Umm, well. It's about this girl who falls in love with a vampire. And like, how it's pretty complicated."

"... Why are you so gay?"

But then I woke up one day and people were all like "omg, have you ever heard of Twilight?!" and I have to be all "omg, you just judged me like ten seconds ago" and then they go all "omg, no! I don't remember that!"

So now it's cool to like Twilight. Whatever.

The movie. I always thought this would make a good movie. Except it would have to be a Pride and Prejudice mini-series sort of thing. Two hours doesn't really do the book justice.

The characters? Exceptionally well chosen in my opinion. Rob Pattinson = sex. So that's always great. PEA COATS AND HAIR OF ANGELS AND COLLAR LOVE, WOW. Stylists, give yourself a nice big pat on the back.

Kristen Stewart is cool. The voice? EEEEEEEEEEh. The look? Very Bella.

Jacob, um, YUM. Man this cast was hot hot hot. Seriously, see the movie for just like a major actor-boner. Yeah, I just said that.

Soundtrack? PERFECT. I was worried they wouldn't put a Muse song on it.

One complaint would be that the whole movie was super desaturated. It was very bland looking. But they were totally going for that so everyone would look all emo and pale. Whatevs.

Did I mention Rob Pattinson is sex?

Esme is my favourite.

This is a response to Twilightical Anticipation. So if you didn't like that post, don't read this one.

I finished Breaking Dawn a couple days ago. I tried to make it last as long I could since it is the last novel in this saga (though Stephenie Meyer already announced a "reference" companion to the books, it will be all about the characters and out around the same time as the Twilight movie).

So. I have heard that sooo many people didn't like this book. AT ALL. And I can definitely see why that would be the case since it is unlike any of the other books. She kind of mangles the characters to make them fit into the end she wants. And a lot of people are seeing it as unrealistic.

Here is where I laugh because it is a book about vampires. I mean come on people, of course it's going to be far fetched. Were you expecting normalcy?

I actually enjoyed this book and it has taken it's place as the second best book in the Twilight saga (behind the original Twilight). I actually enjoyed how she resolved the conflicts set up in the previous books. And I don't think she mangled the characters but instead made them more complex, which I found fun (although just a little confusing).

One thing for people who haven't purchased and started the book yet but plan to: there is a little explain-the-vampire-covens guide in the back of the book DO NOT read it until the novel suggests you consult it around page 600ish I think.

Let me know when you guys have read it! And what you think! I promise not to rant about this stuff again until the movie comes out and I go see it like eight times. You'll come, si?!

Come and see, fall to your knees.

One of the CDs I received for Christmas was Young Galaxy’s self-titled album. I had only heard a couple of their songs but I knew it would be an awesome album because they are on the Arts & Crafts label AND EVERY BAND SIGNED ON THAT LABEL IS GOLD.

Obviously I was not disappointed and another Canadian band made it to my roster of great music.

I’d tell you to go buy the album, but I doubt you’d find it in any store around here. I’d tell you to bitorrent it, but I tried and failed at that. I’d say iTunes it, but you guys have a hard time legally downloading music.

SO! Imagine my happiness when I looked at iTunes today and saw that their free download of the week was my absolute favourite song by Young Galaxy, Outside the City (which for the record, I totally played over and over again while I was leaving St. John’s like a noob, get it? Outside THE city).

It’s free. No excuses. Go download it.

Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun.

Last Saturday night Robyn and I ventured to the movie theatre to spend some love-time together. We had decided upon seeing Across the Universe. All I knew about it was that it was a musical featuring Evan Rachel Wood and Bono.

About three songs in, Robyn and I caught on that it was a musical using all of The Beatle’s hits. Cool.

I’m not a devoted Beatle’s fan like some, but I do respect what they did for the musical world and how they changed it single-handedly. Even if Paul McCartney likes seals a little too much.

A psychedelic love story with talented actors and musicians, the whole thing was visually stunning. I kept saying to Robyn that we needed some LSD or acid or something because it felt like we were sitting in the sixties.

It was seriously the best movie I have seen in FOREVER. It definitely made it into my top five favourite movies of all time. As soon as I got home I downloaded the soundtrack, it’s still extraordinary, even without the moving pictures.

And if all that doesn’t make you want to go see it, finding out that Bono sings I am the Walrus should.

Take me to the riot.

Ah, the Canadian music scene!

Sheena used to always make fun of my tastes in music. Where as some people like rock or rap, she branded my favourite genre as “miscellaneous Canadian artists”. It really couldn’t be any truer.

So tonight I’m offering up a review on the latest CD I purchased: In Our Bedroom after the War by one of my (if not the) most favourite Canadian groups: Stars.

I wasn’t sure what to expect. But once tearing off the outward cellophane I was greeted with one thing: magic.

First off there was a bonus DVD (I have yet to watch it, but anything that’s “BONUS” is instantly making the whole thing more fantastic).

Second, was the insert.

Always after popping in a new CD I look at the insert to see who the band thanks. I started doing this after looking at my first N’Sync CD (well not mine, I never actually owned one, my childhood best friend Deanna had that coveted possession) I saw that superstud Justin Timberlake had “first and foremost” thanked Jesus. Since then I’ve always needed to know who musicians accredit their fame too.

Anyway, I pulled out Stars' insert only discover it was one little sheet. A colourful blob on the back and lyrics to just one of their songs on the front. I thought it could have been some sort of collectors stunt (“buy 13 of our CDs to get all the lyrics!”). BUT NO. There were multiple insert-sized pages, one for each of their songs and one with a bizarre passage from author Daniel Handler.

Thinking about the colourful blob I turned them all around. A puzzle! The picture formed was the picture on their cover along with a group photo of the band.

You have to admit: WAY COOL.

Now to actual musical aspects of this lovely compact disc:

It’s mind blowing. I have to admit, I have a super big thing for bands with talented musicians, using weird instruments, being Canadian, having both genders represented in the vocals with truly mind-altering (because they remain unaltered) lyrics.

Confused yet? Click the Stars link above and it leads you to their Myspace where every single song on the CD is up in it’s full length. Personal favourites: Personal, The Night Starts Here, Window Bird and Midnight Coward (trying not to name the whole CD here).

Personal is absolutely wicked. I actually read the lyrics to it before I reached it on the CD and as soon as I had finished perusing them and going WTF I turned the song on. Jeez, way to make a general conversation into something moving and beautiful.

Moral of this review? Support Canadian musicians. Support Stars. Go have yourself a listen.

You know you love me.

Anyone who is acquainted with me knows that I like to read. Novels of any sort will do: classics, memoirs, fiction – it doesn’t really matter. Anyone who REALLY knows me will know that I have one literary guilty pleasure: Gossip Girl.

So when I heard they were making it into a movie. I got super-pumped, it would be a great movie, this I knew. But then it was announced that Lindsey Lohan was supposedly playing a main character. This was not okay. But the movie was canceled, and although sad, I knew that was for the best.

And then the Gossip Girl TV show came to light. I wasn't sure how this was going to work. I knew that unlike a movie, a show would have to be fundamentally different from the books. There is no way to tell the story in 42 minute segments once a week.

Anyway, the first episode of the series aired this week. Of course I immediately downloaded and watched it. My thoughts: a very pleasant surprise. Yup, it's different than the books. But man, the writers/creators have done their homework.

Casting is spot on with every single character, it's just how I imagined them. The wardrobe is fantastic and obviously extensively planned and thought out. And the music. Wow. It was perfect, a classic mix of the current hits (Timbaland owns me). Plus, who can resist the fact that Kristen Bell (aka Veronica Mars) is the Gossip Girl, narrating the whole show without ever being seen.

I can't see the series lasting to be honest. It will probably crash and burn like The OC did. And it has that ever present "is-it-an-adult-or-teen-show?" since the whole main cast are teenagers but there is a rampant use of drugs, underage drinking and a surprising amount of sex. DON'T DO IT, KIDS. THOSE PEEPS ARE JUST ACTORS PRETENDING THEIR COOL.

In the end? I give it four glasses of [gin and] juice out of five.