Saying goodbye.

I lost another one in the good fight. With the departure of Skip jr. I am left with only one remaining first generation Stephenville family member (and it's Dave so it doesn't even really count).

Mr. Jones came up Saturday night before his departure and the way I was carrying on you'd think I was leaving. I couldn't stop talking or reminiscing (remember the first time we hung out in St. John's? Remember that night I had to hide in your grandma's bathroom to talk to your ex? Remember. Remember. Remember).

I was sad because Mr. Jones was sad. And I was sad to lose someone I could always rely on without any sort of anything being involved. That probably doesn't make sense. Mr. Jones never made me feel anything bad like regular friends do. There was never a sense of obligation between us. We just were what we were when we could be and that was enough.

(... are you crying yet Robert, lolz?)

I'm just trying to get across that I lost someone I've shared a history with for the past SEVEN YEARS. And I am sad that it has come to an end.

I started this blog to keep in touch with my friends Meagan and Josh while I lived in Stephenville. When we all moved out here I continued it so Leah could feel in the loop of my life. When she moved out here, Holly moved backed there and so it made sense to keep at it still.

But even with Mr. Jones departure I am unsure that the Little Blog that Could may continue. It no longer feels right to post here anymore. Somewhere along the way the five or six people I gave links to multiplied into an average of fifteen to twenty different computers checking this little blog every day (yeah, I can see you). I don't think I even have that many friends!

The general lurking puts me off and the same reasons I don't have Facebook are the same reasons that posting here doesn't feel good anymore. I have debated on making it protected, deleting it all together or just changing the url. I'll probably go with the later decision of changing the url, because it is well loved by the people who take the time to comment and check like five times a day. And it is well loved by me!

I thought I would post about this now on the off chance I make a rushed decision and change things up. Here's hoping I see you on the other side! :)

I am not my own, for I have been made new.

I remember Meagan and I used to joke that our lives would probably end when we turned twenty or so because we couldn't imagine them after that point. We had no idea what we'd be doing - what we'd even want to be doing. In our youth there is very little room to wiggle off the path that our parents or society tell us to follow.

But somewhere between high school graduation and our early twenties we are expected to forge a place in this world for ourselves. We're given no tools, little guidance, and lots of opportunities to fail.

Up until 2009 nothing exceptionally bad had ever happened to me. Nothing exceptionally great either. Basically, nothing exceptional. There were very few, if any, life changing moments.

2009 chewed me up and spat me out. It gave me feelings I can tell you right now that I have never felt before. How do you go two decades without experiencing every feeling there is to feel? I don't know. I wouldn't have believed it a year ago.

Never have I shed more tears. Never before have I experienced more moments of disbelief, anguish, mourning, love, humbleness, forgetfulness, gratefulness - every emotion ever times a thousand.

At the end of '08 I moved out of my parent's house and into THE MOST EXCEPTIONAL PLACE ON EARTH. Fuck Disney World, because Merrymeeting was WHERE IT WAS AT. I lived with two of the most strong and amazing women I have ever met (as well as a kindhearted sailor and a lovely Frenchman) and without them I would have crashed and burned during the very first month.

There I found the first boy I have ever said "I love you" to. In February he made me a mixed tape (literally), slipped love notes under my bedroom door and has loved me unconditionally ever since. Sometimes I wonder if all the strife and grief I've gone through this year is the karmic justice I pay for getting to have someone so wonderful in my life. Then I wonder if the depths of my emotions have just stretched. I guess I'll never know. But I wouldn't trade him for anything - not even a pony.

I responded to an ad on the job bank in January so I could pay my rent. As a result I spent the year helping raise three of the most ridiculous and hilariously amazing kids I've ever met. That family kept me afloat. They gave me a reason to drag myself out of bed after tragedy struck me again and again. Every time I was angry with God, with the world, it just took an afternoon of shooting aliens in the park to make me realize that everything is always moving. Time is always ticking. Why waste it being angry when I could be having fun?

I lost both of my maternal grandparents within the span of one month this summer. And to be honest, I haven't been the same since. My grandmother's death... I still can't talk about it. I still can't think about it without crying. I loved, I LOVE, her so fiercely. Always have and always will. I think I might have to leave it at that.

At the end of September I moved in with my boyfriend. It was a decision I don't regret, though I would have to say if I had my time back I'd want some more roomies. It gets super lonely/easy to be reclusive. This is a chapter of my life that I'm still writing so we'll have to come back to this one at the end of 2010.

The end of 2009 kicked my ass. A lot of stuff built up and up and up until OH MY GOODNESS WHAT A SURPRISE SARAH'S BODY AND MIND CAN'T HANDLE IT ANYMORE. And splat, the two collapsed and failed. I have been to the doctor about a dozen times in the past couple months. I have received no answers and my questions keep building. My last doctor's visit ended with my mom screaming at my doctor and me searching for a new one. For the first time in my university career I actually had to have some of my exams deferred.

But thanks to thousands of years of Chinese medicine, I've gained solace in acupuncture (that stuff REALLY works!). I also have an appointment with a specialist in two weeks. Answers will be gained! And my fear of having fear (or my anxiety about having anxiety) can be overcome. I will not let the wrongs and insecurities of 2009 leak into my shiny new 2010.

So that was my year. Sure there was other stuff, but these are the memories that stick out. This is the stuff that has shaped me into the Sarah of 2010. May the Sarah of 2011 be so lucky.

This is my 651st post (aka Those Awesome People).

As you all may remember, I have had costume parties on two or three years running for my birthday for my birthday. October thirty-first on the date (2006, 2008, 2009... 2007 I just went to Jingle Jim's, and that's the year I turned nineteen to boot)!

As per usual I had my camera at all occasions. And because he loves me, Patrick arrived in dashingly spooky costumes each time. But I noticed something oddly bizarre about the picture we took together this year...

What's so bizarre you ask? Take a look at Halloween '08:


We did not plan this! It was a spoooooky Halloween coincidence. Here are some more pictures from this years birthday basharooo. Costumes were a must and everyone went nuts with their amazing outfits and ideas!

It was an awesome nights and my little home was packed to the seems with the most awesome kind of people. I bring you: those awesome people.


I made a delicious trail mix with baked pumpkin seeds from the pumpkin Alex and I carved, yum yum.

July (oh please don't Facebook these faces).

The moral of July:
One must always swim in city pools during the day, doing said activity during evening hours will have one of the following results:
- Being chased out of pool in underwears by policing figures
- Losing shoes
- Six inch gashes on legs
- Paddy wagon scares
- Getting caught by a running police figure who then insists that you may not put on your bra
- Scaring the shit out of everyone, both involved and indirectly involved
Or that could all happen. On your 19th birthday. Silly friends. Happy birthday Brittany!

Doesn't humidity suck? This summer is so sticky! I'm glad I don't live in the south, I would melt away.

Thirteen things.

1. An ice cream spoon, completely bent out of shape.
2. A picture I drew of Sierra, she was looking a little thirsty.
3. An issue of The Scope that Robyn wrapped my Christmas present in, a work of art.
4. My scrapbooks, keeping my memories in style.
5. Clip Clop, banished from my bed because of the heat.
6. My pony collection, because yes, I really like ponies.
7. Nanala, who watches over me.
8. The empty space, where Century Sam's painting should be hanging (but is too heavy to hang).
9a/9b. My Holly pictures, because little people deserve pictures too.
10. The button accordion, diatonic and one rowed so it's impossible to master.
11. A love note from Alex, complete with pictures of wrestlers.
12. Tylenol, aka a nanny's TicTacs.
13. Several empty cans of Diet Coke, I have an addiction.

My room says a lot.

Fated.

Aren't we painfully cute? Robyn makes me grateful for the little happys of the world, thank you my dear.

As most of you can probably tell, my blogging has slowed down substantially. There are several reasons for this and I can proudly tell you that ALL OF THEM ARE GOOD.

I have taken the lemons of winter sad times and squeezed them into the delicious summer lemonade which is right now. Happy happy.

It was kicking around twenty degrees today (in April, I know, global warming is awesome... for now) and I spent the day outside lying in the grass trouncing the boy at checkers and being silly with my little lady. I do love the curly haired folk.

I visited Mommy this afternoon and she graciously bestowed upon me a new burner for my oven (I might have put a Dollarama oven mitt on a hot burner, oops), a bag off potatoes (to use on the BBQ she gave me the week before, wow my mom is awesome) and a slice of apple pie.

I am surrounded by people who are more generous than you can possibly fathom, for this I'm grateful.

But as it breaks into summer, I'm reminded of the things that need doing. Not chores, for they're too fun to be chores! Scrapbooks that need filling with pictures that need taking. Letters to be written and posted. Books to be read. Paintings to be painted.

Can you feel it? Life is coming back to the city. The BBQ is going every night, stop by with a pack of wieners or a steak and we'll have a chat.

Run, neon tiger, there's a lot on your mind.

This was a unique Valentine's Day all together. Some people despise the holiday, but I have always remained indifferent. The moment I stepped out of bed I was reminded that I am living an entirely new life this year.

My brain has been working in overdrive mode so much lately I almost forgot that my roommates (and the two boys who sleep here every night) are a gift in themselves.

Sentimental much.

I just wanted to share a few pictures from our Saturday morning communal breakfast (which is hosted every Saturday morning around one, if you care to stop by). Twas made even more special by the holiday.

Love you.

Take me on a truck to Darfur.

My life is like this murder mystery. Somehow.

And beer mountain... can't forget beer mountain.

My job is going great. I love the kids, polite and so ridiculously smart. Only two pees in the pants and one "i hate you!" so I think I'm doing fine.

I go to bed at 10:30 now. Wake up at 6:30. Tis a hard-knock life to be sure.

Love and kisses always.

Oh, and one for the road (from the road?).

The course of true love runs smooth sometimes.

I was going to make a list of things I really like, to combat the list I made a few days ago of things I don't like at all.

But I decided to just post pictures from one of mine and Robyn's favourite dates ever for two reasons:
1. I love Robyn with all of my heart.
2. A very cool and awesome Robyn-date is happening tomorrow (weather pending!).

So there will probably be lots more pictures of Robyn and I on the blog again tomorrow. DEAL.


My little digital camera works magic with the right people. :)

Auld lang syne.

With the last day of the year upon me, I am left to reflect on how it went.

My 2008 began in Stephenville, where I brought in the New Year with the most important people... my Stephenville family.

My spring was unmemorable. Actually, I didn't remember anything until I saw these pictures:

And then there was the summer. Three things stand out for the summer in my head.

One - Robyn

Two - My Brother

Three - The Road Trip


And of course the fall and winter of 2008 which equals:




And here is hoping that next year's post will be just as (if not more so) full.