My first semester of university was rough. As was everyone's I guess. We were all trying to adjust to a new school, a new city, a new life. The only comfort I took out of all three of these things was the anonymity.
I could walk around this city for hours and not have one person recognize me. I could attend a weeks worth of classes and not have a single person talk to me in any of them.
I loved it.
A girl I met on the bus while traveling to Stephenville last Christmas told me (three hours after meeting) that I hated people. I was shocked! Everyone tells me how great I am when I first meet a stranger, how I can make an awkward situation happy by asking the right kinds of questions. I am a people person!
This is not true in the least. I am not a people person, in fact, I am a misanthrope. I despise going out with groups of people that I'm not really friends with. I hate the awkward conversations that inevitably ensue when you see a person you haven't talked with in awhile. I can't take the effort that goes into forced conversations (this probably ties in with my inability to bullshit people).
For example (and this is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings), but every single time I come home from a SASF gathering I have a headache. Like a raging one. Every time. I like most of the people that go to these togetherings, but my mind cannot handle the forced "hey, how is school going?", "what are you taking again?", "oh, this is fun.", "we should totally hang out sometime!". I don't care about any of the questions I ask or am forced to answer, but out of politeness and general caring for the people who attend these SASF gatherings I pretend I do. And pretending (aka:bullshitting) gives me migraines. LITERALLY.
My brother constantly makes fun of me for my "hatred of being seen". If the family wants to eat out for dinner, we can't eat at the restaurant but must take it home. No going to the mall unless it's for a specific thing. None of this walking around to kill some time stuff.
I've always been like this. Maybe I really do hate people.
This whole nonsensical post is stemming from the fact that I can't even go FIVE SECONDS on campus anymore without having someone I know/recognize start a conversation with me.
Where did the anonymity of this city go? :(
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4 comments:
So I'm not the only one who hates people. This is a recent discovery for me, but it's kind of jarring.
It sucks because I doubt there's any support groups for this ;)
unrelated to this post, HAVE YOU SEEN ANDERSON COOPER ON SESAME STREET YET?!?!?
and
can i borrow breaking dawn pleasies?
"It sucks because I doubt there's any support groups for this ;)"
HAHAHAHAHAH I actually lol'd
I can't stand seeing the 17-year-olds from my high school here. That seems related to me.
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