Prepare my place.

I no longer blog. But oh if you could see my art journals and scrapbooks, filled with art and love from these few months. I'll post scans of some soon.

Life is hard. I no longer know what to make of it.

My grandmother died just a little over a month ago. I'm finally making sense of it and moving on the way I should. But it seems the summer of 2009 is for grieving. My Poppy Fudge died last night. Is this getting tiring for anyone else?

In the run of a year I went from having four living grandparents to just one. The frightening part of this is it's just the beginning. Next parents, aunts and uncles. Cousins, siblings. Friends.

And I realize it's all a scary circle, that dealing with this stuff is the price you pay for living a beautiful life.

Knowing this doesn't make anything easier.

I won't be heading west for the funeral, I can't handle another so soon. I'll do my grieving here, without family, without anyone who even knows my grandfather's name.

Oh the emotions.

So it's Christmas.

The festivities are winding down and I am sad that such a great holiday is ending. My Christmases are usually heinous and involve lots of bickering and generally depressing times.

But this Christmas has proved to be different, with my brother home (our first Christmas as a whole family in eight years!) everyone was jolly and thankful that his was one of the few flights that got through during this Canada wide whiteout.

Christmas Eve my brother, mom and I went to church (my church, yay!) and we came home to the multitudes of food and goodies my dad had prepared. We popped a bottle of champagne and sat around the tree to open presents.

I couldn't afford to buy anything this year (but my family knew this). I did get two photos blown up and framed for my mom and brother. The one for my mom was a picture of her parents (S'ville Nan and Pop!) smiling and sitting on a wharf in front of the water. The picture is about fifteen years old and my mom had never seen it before because I scammed it from my Nanny. Needless to say it was loved. Brother Bear got a picture of him and I with Santa circa 1989 and he is holding me in his arms while I'm screaming in fright over the man in the red suit.

Christmas day we opened stockings and ate Christmas dinner. Spice pudding, oh yeah.

Boxing day morning was spent with McKayla who arrived bright and early. My brother and I spent a lot of the day just driving around the city looking at lights and old merchant homes. Also, for anyone who is in the city, Signal Hill has a HUGE star on the side of it. It is pretty insane and extremely beautiful to look up in the hills and see the star shining down over the city.

I hope to see everyone at our New Year's party. Please come back in time! No fireworks sadly, but sparklers and tons of food for everyone. And a great view of the harbour to watch the city's firework display as well!

Missing you.

Patriarch on a vespa.

Stressful times always it seems. We got a call late last night that my Uncle Nat was missing. He had gone out in his boat early that afternoon and didn't return.

This kind of made me mad, because he is the only one on my Dad's side of the family I actually enjoy spending time with. Honestly, he's the funniest old man in the world.

They found him this morning, thank goodness. Mind you it was after spending all night in his small (and very open) skiff, right on the ocean. The rain and snow didn't help much either.

I'm just bothered by the whole thing.

Luckily I spent all evening with my lovely friends who took my mind off everything.

Though cheap Indian food we could not purchase, we did manage to get some mighty awesome eats at a cafe on Duckworth. Score one for St. John's.

And because it was mentioned (and it makes me lol every time I was it), Robert in a gear.

Just one guest.

I have been doing nothing but sleeping lately. Like seriously.

I don't craft or paint or venture outside or read or watch television. If I have to work I get up, go to work, come home and nap for a few hours, watch a movie, sleep. If I have a day off I'll sleep for like EVERZ, get up and watch a movie, and then sleep FOREVERZ again. I am a sick individual.

Speaking of sick, my grandfather is in the hospital. This would be west coast poppy as east coast poppy is no longer FTW. He was diagnosed with anemia and dehydration.

First of all, he lives in a retirement/nursing/old peeps home. Don't they have people to take care of supplying a sufficient amount of H20 to their residents?

Second, so it's my Mom's side of the family who cursed me with my weak blood! Grrr.

I'm all over the place. And so is my internet. And I really want to see a psychiatrist or something. And I want to go on ADD meds, that shit seems wicked.

Here are two and a half minutes of my new favourite song.

Pharrell is way hot. He's like the Matthew Bellamy of hip-hop.

Yummy.

And the fog became God.

I've taken quite a number of beautiful photos this month. Mmm, tasty summer lighting.

Let's see. I head back to work on Sunday (already, I KNOW). I need to make lots of money because I got absolutely fucked over by the government. Did I mention that? It's quite a funny story that involves me crying and losing lots of money.

Never mind, that's not funny.

Darryl leaves on Wednesday which troubles me to no end. What in hell did I do before he came home? Will someone take his place as my tennis buddy? Actually scratch that, I could use a break from tennis for awhile. How about a crafting and Weeds watching buddy? Hrmmm?

I don't know if I have friends anymore. Hah. Well you're reading this, I CLAIM YOU. Loser.

I like this song, this song and this song. Now you do too!

Where were we...

Wicka-wicka.

I'm going to make more of an effort to post here lots and lots.

It's weird, I want to record my day to day happenings so that in the future I can look back and be like "oh, that's what I was feeling my first year of university/when my pop died/meeting new bffz etc." But I absolutely despise looking at older entries because I feel my writing is pathetic and my pictures even more so.

Stop being a player hater, Sarah Smith.

500th POST, SHOWER YOUR LOVEEE.

Fre-fre.

Forgive my lack of absence from this blog and life, but I have been enjoying time with my brother who is down for the month of June!

I miss all of you and will semi-promptly respond to any e-mails and messages you wish to send saying how much you love and miss me too. :)

P.S. I am so not that much taller than my brother. I'm standing on the stoop.

P.P.S. This picture is the first picture we've been in together since he was in college. Mercy!