I am not my own, for I have been made new.

I remember Meagan and I used to joke that our lives would probably end when we turned twenty or so because we couldn't imagine them after that point. We had no idea what we'd be doing - what we'd even want to be doing. In our youth there is very little room to wiggle off the path that our parents or society tell us to follow.

But somewhere between high school graduation and our early twenties we are expected to forge a place in this world for ourselves. We're given no tools, little guidance, and lots of opportunities to fail.

Up until 2009 nothing exceptionally bad had ever happened to me. Nothing exceptionally great either. Basically, nothing exceptional. There were very few, if any, life changing moments.

2009 chewed me up and spat me out. It gave me feelings I can tell you right now that I have never felt before. How do you go two decades without experiencing every feeling there is to feel? I don't know. I wouldn't have believed it a year ago.

Never have I shed more tears. Never before have I experienced more moments of disbelief, anguish, mourning, love, humbleness, forgetfulness, gratefulness - every emotion ever times a thousand.

At the end of '08 I moved out of my parent's house and into THE MOST EXCEPTIONAL PLACE ON EARTH. Fuck Disney World, because Merrymeeting was WHERE IT WAS AT. I lived with two of the most strong and amazing women I have ever met (as well as a kindhearted sailor and a lovely Frenchman) and without them I would have crashed and burned during the very first month.

There I found the first boy I have ever said "I love you" to. In February he made me a mixed tape (literally), slipped love notes under my bedroom door and has loved me unconditionally ever since. Sometimes I wonder if all the strife and grief I've gone through this year is the karmic justice I pay for getting to have someone so wonderful in my life. Then I wonder if the depths of my emotions have just stretched. I guess I'll never know. But I wouldn't trade him for anything - not even a pony.

I responded to an ad on the job bank in January so I could pay my rent. As a result I spent the year helping raise three of the most ridiculous and hilariously amazing kids I've ever met. That family kept me afloat. They gave me a reason to drag myself out of bed after tragedy struck me again and again. Every time I was angry with God, with the world, it just took an afternoon of shooting aliens in the park to make me realize that everything is always moving. Time is always ticking. Why waste it being angry when I could be having fun?

I lost both of my maternal grandparents within the span of one month this summer. And to be honest, I haven't been the same since. My grandmother's death... I still can't talk about it. I still can't think about it without crying. I loved, I LOVE, her so fiercely. Always have and always will. I think I might have to leave it at that.

At the end of September I moved in with my boyfriend. It was a decision I don't regret, though I would have to say if I had my time back I'd want some more roomies. It gets super lonely/easy to be reclusive. This is a chapter of my life that I'm still writing so we'll have to come back to this one at the end of 2010.

The end of 2009 kicked my ass. A lot of stuff built up and up and up until OH MY GOODNESS WHAT A SURPRISE SARAH'S BODY AND MIND CAN'T HANDLE IT ANYMORE. And splat, the two collapsed and failed. I have been to the doctor about a dozen times in the past couple months. I have received no answers and my questions keep building. My last doctor's visit ended with my mom screaming at my doctor and me searching for a new one. For the first time in my university career I actually had to have some of my exams deferred.

But thanks to thousands of years of Chinese medicine, I've gained solace in acupuncture (that stuff REALLY works!). I also have an appointment with a specialist in two weeks. Answers will be gained! And my fear of having fear (or my anxiety about having anxiety) can be overcome. I will not let the wrongs and insecurities of 2009 leak into my shiny new 2010.

So that was my year. Sure there was other stuff, but these are the memories that stick out. This is the stuff that has shaped me into the Sarah of 2010. May the Sarah of 2011 be so lucky.

Keeps the doctor away.

I had a bad weekend. Got the flu like woah. On the upside, all the friends came over for a rip-roaring sayonara Merrymeeting party on Saturday. And I do mean ALL the friends. Thanks everyone, it's a little easier to say goodbye to this wonderful place now.

While I crawled (alright, drunkenly staggered is probably more accurate) up the stairs and into bed around 1:30am, everyone else stuffed the remainder of their booze in their pockets and headed down to da bars.

My boy lost all his goodies dancing (and I do mean all: wallet, iPod, cell phone, sweater) and he came up the next morning looking like his dog had died in some sort of freak accident. Moral of the story? Always keep your shit in your bra... though I suppose that really couldn't apply here anyway.

So to start the week off right (because yes, despite what your heart might tell you, for some reason it's actually Monday already), I am sharing the cutest little blog that everyone can enjoy and get some smiles from. A Lego a Day! Dude makes little scenarios with his Lego men and posts a picture everyday. They're really good!

Chin up, wha.

The young and restless.

Last Monday I was involved in a fender bender, well I guess it would be more accurately described as a fender scratcher. Today I was called by the police and informed that she has filed a report with them. She has back pain you see. Back pain caused by our scratchy accident. Aren't these the kinds of stories that go down as ruining lives? Or at least insurance rates. I'm interested to see how the system will work for me.

Joey is home and that means happy warm fuzzy times. He has a fancy new car and the same Joey goodness, it is just not the same when he isn't here.

It looks like the Merrymeeting ladies will be disbanding (on good terms of course!). As McKayla finds herself searching for a place with Phil and Sierra and I join forces with Allan. Of course the housing market in St. John's is ridiculous right now (I'm not complaining, we're pretty much the only city in North America not feeling the recession, yay black gold), so no one has found anything. IT'S ALL RENTED UP, FOLKS.

And I'm finishing up work next week! I will miss my blonde children, but I'm pretty ecstatic to do the school bit again. I've been asked by my employer if I know anyone who wants my job. Part-time nanny work, anyone?

Girl's night.

Pink champagne, shots and beer. Watching Sex and the City outside on the back deck. Fancy lingerie.

Girl's night was a raging success.

Thirteen things.

1. An ice cream spoon, completely bent out of shape.
2. A picture I drew of Sierra, she was looking a little thirsty.
3. An issue of The Scope that Robyn wrapped my Christmas present in, a work of art.
4. My scrapbooks, keeping my memories in style.
5. Clip Clop, banished from my bed because of the heat.
6. My pony collection, because yes, I really like ponies.
7. Nanala, who watches over me.
8. The empty space, where Century Sam's painting should be hanging (but is too heavy to hang).
9a/9b. My Holly pictures, because little people deserve pictures too.
10. The button accordion, diatonic and one rowed so it's impossible to master.
11. A love note from Alex, complete with pictures of wrestlers.
12. Tylenol, aka a nanny's TicTacs.
13. Several empty cans of Diet Coke, I have an addiction.

My room says a lot.

Bouncy castle.

This was us last Saturday, happily prancing through the trees at Bowring Park. It snowed on Monday. But that's Newfoundland for you, and really, who can complain? It IS still May after all. We've been having crazy nice weather this month (I am tanning nicely, thank you for asking).

I spend five days a week at the dinosaur park with my young charges, playing slide conductor and juice hander-outer. And thus when the idea comes up of going to the park on my day off - I usually stay home. But I sucked it up. For the good of humanity and all that.

Life is racing past me and I have nothing to show for it. Except amazing bffs (and bf!) who keep me laughing and riding high in the clouds. I wish I could have a party for them all. Just that handful of people who mean so much to me. Maybe I will this summer. Have a little brunch in my backyard complete with a buffet and mimosas. Hmmm, yes indeed. I'll keep you posted.

I'm going to go race into those clouds again. See you on the flip-side, yo.

Sanity map.

Sierra and I decided to map out our progress into cracked-off land. Where are you?

You move like a rolling wave.

I've been living! Spending my vacation with the special ones and loving my independence.


I can't explain it any better than these pictures can.

I lost a blonde snowman making girl this week, the Swedish princess as well. But I'm gaining back my scientist next month. Seeing off two of my boys to their new home a few roads down (yes! Joey is leaving my couch after four epic months, he will be missed).

Every morning this week I've woken late in bed, an unshakable smile on my face.

Pull your little arrows out.

Isn't my backyard enchanted?

So. My body took a step back this weekend and I found myself in the ER Sunday morning. Seems I pulled a muscle! This means my pill total is up to twelve a day. But they're muscle relaxers so I am only happy to take them. Mmmm, loopy goodness.

The doctor told me to take some time off work, but I went in yesterday morning with a loopy smile plastered to my face. Needless to say I'm off today as no one wants their children around a drugged up cripple.

To the people I was supposed to see this past weekend: how about next weekend please? I promise to make it extra special!

To the Metric fans: how golden is this new album? Fantasies is by far the best album to come out of 2009 (so far!). It is the best Metric album yet, so if you were considering becoming a fan DO IT NOW. The album hasn't actually been released yet, but you can listen for free on their Myspace (I'd recommend Blindness, Sick Muse, Satellite Mind and of course, their first single Help I'm Alive).

I think I'll soon need a Winting mix to go with my Wintumn one. Let's make it happen, Robyn!

Status of the car wash.

So it has been the longest sixteen days of your life, I'm sure.

If you were wondering whether or not I had given up the blog, the answer is: NOT. My computer has been in the back room of Avalon Software for the past eight days, trying its hardest to become a normal laptop. It barely succeeded.

What have I been up to these past two weeks...

Not a whole lot. Working five days a week with my kiddies! Playdoh, story time, Spider-Man/Villain, hockey, space adventures, puzzles, Toopy and Binoo... This is how I spend my days.

My life is a blurry mess right now. I'm working really hard to fix it and so far my effort has helped. Not only did I stop blogging, but I ceased to scrap and paint and exist for far too long. IT IS GETTING BETTER!

I've been planning trips in order to get me through the day. For Easter break me and five of my best our spending a few nights in the luxurious Little Harbour! Yes, three nights in a town of fifty people and no stores. We are very excited. No computers, no television, no driving, no ANYTHING. Beers and Easter ham, yes please.

My health has been steadily improving through the magic of prescription drugs. Ten pills a day... try and beat it. The sinus infection is kaput as well! Sunny skies.

I hope to see you all very soon.

I can teach you.

Let's update everyone on my life, shall we?

I still have a major computer virus (and thus my absence from MSN and this blog). Everything takes eight years to load and it really isn't worth the effort.

I went downtown the weekend with all of my lovelies (and oh did we look lovely! Check out Sierra and I there). We went to... Distortion! It is a well known fact that this is my least favourite bar on George Street, but there was a very special indie dance show. And boy did we dance!

I am sick again. Again with a sinus thing. I am going to seek a nose transplant. Or a kitty transplant (SHE POOPS IN A BOX NEXT TO MY WASHING MACHINE). I skipped school and work yesterday because of senor sinus. And monsieur blues.

Winter blues were taking root the weekend, but thankfully with all of this sun today (thirteen degrees, whaaa?) my mind is back on track.

My kids are great, thanks for asking. Two year old and I spent the day outside playing hockey. He kicked my ass.

This week tells of movie marathons, drunk bowling and special Robyn timez (hopefully!).

Love love love.

Pretty good.

The character of Joey Miller will now be played by actor Larry David.


Work has taken over my life really. If I'm not working, I'm sleeping. The days are kind of blending together in a mesh called my life.

I seek solace in reading and music. The people in this house (both those who live here and those who are here all the time) have been keeping me sane and happy. Not very sober though.

It's midterm break now. Are you home?

Run, neon tiger, there's a lot on your mind.

This was a unique Valentine's Day all together. Some people despise the holiday, but I have always remained indifferent. The moment I stepped out of bed I was reminded that I am living an entirely new life this year.

My brain has been working in overdrive mode so much lately I almost forgot that my roommates (and the two boys who sleep here every night) are a gift in themselves.

Sentimental much.

I just wanted to share a few pictures from our Saturday morning communal breakfast (which is hosted every Saturday morning around one, if you care to stop by). Twas made even more special by the holiday.

Love you.

People will say all kinds of things.

Dearest friends how I've enjoyed your company this weekend!

Last weekend was such a bust (slept it away and away) so this weekend I made a point to invite everyone to the Merrymeeting residence.

Robyn and I have done so many craft nights together and decided to hold a special one Friday for the opening of our true love, Red Velvet Art. This was the first craft night open to the public and it was a smashing success!

I have been so creative lately that it is almost painful to watch the accumulation of STUFF happening in my room. Merrymeeting scrapbook is going strong. Knitting occurs frequently. Drawing in my HI book and Robyn's pretty pink book happens almost every night. And now I've taken it upon myself to start The Sew again.

The Sew is when I crack out the sewing machine (circa Christmas 2000), buy some fantastic fabric from the $1.97 bin at Wal-Mart, and decide upon a garment (or bedding!) that needs to be made.

I have taken it upon myself this time to fashion two skirts (one for Sierra and I) out of $16 in fabric. CAN I DO IT? Probably not, but it is always fun to try. Plus I'd like to try this and this pattern.

I have just a couple hours of awake time left before I am forced to sleep and then start the week again. But I am armed for the onslaught of tiny fists: heart-shaped suckers and Kinder Eggs. Best nanny EVER.

See you all again next weekend, okay?

Take me on a truck to Darfur.

My life is like this murder mystery. Somehow.

And beer mountain... can't forget beer mountain.

My job is going great. I love the kids, polite and so ridiculously smart. Only two pees in the pants and one "i hate you!" so I think I'm doing fine.

I go to bed at 10:30 now. Wake up at 6:30. Tis a hard-knock life to be sure.

Love and kisses always.

Oh, and one for the road (from the road?).

Merrymeeting: an HBO production.

I spend my Sunday mornings with Sierra. It is a tradition. She doesn't work Sundays and McKayla usually works, so we always have our special bonding times then.

Today we discussed (while sitting outside in frigid cold) how our life would make a great CBC sitcom. So we decided to write a proposal and name the cast. This is what we came up with:

Blaire Waldorf as Sierra Skinner
Tyra Banks as Sarah Smith
Megan Fox as McKayla Reilly
The Nerd from Breakfast Club as Joey Miller
Dawson as Philippe LamarreShia Lebeouf as Patrick Leonard
Robert Pattinson as Gerard Noseworthy
Audrey Tautou as Amkiram Jarl
Brian Wilson as Alex Noftall
Pete Wentz as Robert Jones
Stanford Blatch as Susan Piercey
and Robyn McHugh as herself